Mountain of God

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again
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thank you mac. Your words speak volumes. They convict and speak truth.
why is it that the road is sometimes so hard to see? Maybe I’m not even on the road. The journey is long. Why do I make it unnecessarily longer that it has to be? Why do I try to blaze my own trail? Take things into my own hands?

I am walking through the valley and in the shade I do not see Him there. I deceive myself with His absence. I ‘think that I am all alone’. I am broken. My heart is broken, and it makes me scared because I have failed Him. The valley seems to swallow me and the mountain grows taller and taller. The climb will be difficult

But the reality that speaks and keeps me alive and strong is that there is ‘One who’s gone before me/ He will help me carry on’.

And I have no choice. I must go through this valley. For even on the mountain of God there are still valleys below.

Though, His promise remains.

thanksgiving

I’ve been trying to post something since weds or so. And its Sunday. Its almost weds again. I wish it were weds. I would be done with my proj that I am currently working on, even though I’m already on break. And… I would be home if it were weds. I wish I were home. Thanksgiving is a refreshing break. A reminder of all things great: being lazy, eating too much, family, football, cold weather, etc.

I love my family. The sosebee clan will be headed to Columbia this year. I can’t remember the last time we were all down there. It’s not where we meet that remains in my memory, though [maybe we were there last year].

It is the time of fellowship that sticks with me. It is the ‘loudness’ of the sosebee’s talking and sharing stories. It’s the laughter. It’s all the little one’s running around catching my eye. It’s the hugs and smiles. It is the feeling of love. It is the feeling of being embraced by something that you can’t even explain. Family. I love you all, and thank you for your guidance, prayers, hugs, kisses, talks, laughs and on and on. For sharing life. Yall are a special bunch! How blessed.

So now, my mind will be distracted until thurs and fri when I get to see them all. So much for trying to work on my project!

looking up

IMG_2147.JPG, originally uploaded by faded.memories..

the update

I look up through the branches to the illuminated night sky. The stars meet my gaze. They twinkle back. The moon continues to set as I peer out the hole in my sleeping bag, too excited too sleep. Finally we are camping.

After so many weeks of planned and failed trips. I even had to start getting sick yesterday, but that wasn’t about to stop me. I tried to get extra sleep so I would feel better today. I told myself the mountain air would make me well. I may be more sick when I get back, but it will be well worth it. Every painful second.

Even in the woods you cannot escape the sounds of civilization. A plane flies overhead. But, you can escape the effects of it. Even up here, we look down at the city lights miles away. Their ethereal glow in the fog filled valleys is a nice view. But I think its because we are miles away from it, that we can say its nice. It’s nice being away from it.

Life changes up here. Everything becomes richer, you appreciate time and slowness. The joy of sitting down to cook a meal over the camp stove. Grabbing your pot grippers and then dumping your chicken and rice into your new lexan bowl that you are so proud of. Then making your way back to that ‘perfect’ spot on the log by the fire (which is a good size tonight, much warmth). Your friends’ join you, and you sit there and eat… and talk about how this is the best chicken and rice you’ve ever had. “everything tastes better when your camping”, oh how many times those words have been muttered. They are engrained into our minds, and they never prove themselves wrong. And once you have almost inhaled your carb filled dinner, you realize that you still get to boil some coffee. And a smile comes over your face in the dim light of the flickering flame. So… this is what heaven is like.

Even as I lie here, my nose is freezing. My entire face will be frozen by morning (the forecast called for a nightly low of 28). So you reach up and grab the drawstrings of your sleeping bag and cinch it closed till the tiniest opening remains. Just enough to get some fresh air. I can still see the illuminated night sky and the starry gazes, though. I smile again. I love this.

………………………

I copied the above out of my little black journal that I keep with me. We had gotten in out sleeping bags already, but I just couldn’t sleep. So I reached out and grabbed my journal and headlamp and started to lay down a few thoughts.

………………………..

So, I will put my journal away, find that comfortable place on my bed of leaves, my sleeping pad, and in my sleeping bag. Then I will breathe in the cold night air. Forgetting all my worries, forgetting the world, and I close my eyes.

And my thoughts turn to the morning. A smile comes, once again, across my face. Maple and brown sugar oatmeal for breakfast. The first light of morning waking me, and the feeling of not wanting to move from the comfort and warmth of my sleeping bag. So, I pull it tighter around me, sit up, and watch the sunrise.

orion's lookout

IMG_2163.jpg, originally uploaded by faded.memories..

backpacking.

four hours till departure. much needed weekend get away. much inspiration anticipated. pictures and update to follow shortly...

beauty in the fall

Time slides away, sedation sets in, vulnerability rises. Your surrounding circumstances seem favorable enough. No complaints. many months pass and stability becomes something to depend on. Through many transitions, growth has occurred. There is excitement, and the colors of life become more diverse and more brilliant than ever. Beauty abounds.

But in an instant “the times they are a-changin’”. The places you found rest are becoming ‘not familiar’ anymore. Everything, everyone seems to be ‘not themselves’.

The world that seemed so black and white, so easy to define, becomes blurred. This community that has been nourished is beginning to fade. It is obvious that the illusion of ‘sameness’ was simply that, an illusion. Those around you are changing, wait … or is it yourself? Why is this happening? What have you done to deserve this? Panic sets in and all seems lost. You begin to lose your grip, and almost instantly (as time seems to cease to exist) you begin to fall. But now as you fall (time slows to a halt) and you drift, float, in slow motion, as your world is blurred (a result of the rocking motion) you continue down, down. And you hit. Bottom. Hope is lost?

There are seasons that we have to weather. Fall is one that is bittersweet. There is beauty, yet it is brief, causing it to be all the more enchanting. As if saying, something this beautiful could not last more than an instant. This seems to speak volumes, though. Throughout time, we are given these moments, brief they may be, but oh how profound.

It is at these moments that our eyes, our mind and our hearts are given a glimpse of something greater, some beauty that is a little further out there, just beyond our furthest reach. We try to search for these glimpses, but with no luck. They are a gift. A glimpse of things to come. A small taste of that beauty which Emerson describes as “the ultimate end”. “No reason can be asked or given why the soul seeks beauty. Beauty in its largest and profoundest sense is one expression for the universe.” Forever these glimpses will stream into our hearts, and forever they will reveal a beauty beyond comprehension. And forever they will remain.

So forever in us will remain a hope. A hope for a new day.

IMG_1811

IMG_1811, originally uploaded by faded.memories..